Zack Funny Status Messages

   I'm not sexist, I'm sexiest, and if I am sexist, then I'm the sexiest sexist.

   I pay a lot of money to get that vanilla/coco butter smell in my car. I want hookers to feel welcome, not like they're stepping into a death trap.

   Think outside the facebox.

   Each day is a gift...Mondays are gag gifts!

   a super hero, with NO powers of motivation.

   what you would call an "Anit-Hero"

   full of whimsical f*ckery

   They didn't break the mold after me, they just chained it up.

   I would give my right arm to be ambidextrous

   features more cowbell than legally allowed in seven countries

   Auto correct can go straight to He'll

   I propose we add a new day to the week and call it "Someday," just think of all the awesome stuff that would happen on it.

   Hamburger Helper only works if the hamburger is ready to accept that it needs help.

   Happy 15th birthday google, 3 more years and you will be able to search for adult sites legally

   Its so cold I had to rub two ice cubes together to start a fire

   Drinking Red Bull cured me, Conclusion; my cells allowed bacteria and viruses inside to kill them for sport.

   I think Commercials on Pandora & Youtube are the Devil.

   Spilled a my redbull on my phone this morning, now my phone wont come out of airplane mode

   2 years ago the creator of redbull died, to this day his eyes are still open.

   Another successful year no random father's day cards in the mail!!!