snotty Funny Status Messages
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Teen at Starbucks asked if I could take her selfie. I said that would just be a photo.... She's still blinking at me.
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05-25-2015 12:14 by snotty
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Everytime this post is liked,, a Member of Congress gets kicked in the genitals.
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10-04-2013 16:23 by snotty
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I find it highly suspicious that the three bears had the dexterity to buy furniture and make porridge in the first place.
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04-16-2013 19:43 by snotty
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A TV chef just explained, "it's the heat that starts the cooking process"... Hmmm,, Let me just write that down
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09-04-2013 09:00 by snotty
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Balloons are so much more expensive than when I was a kid... Probably due to,,,,, you know,, inflation.
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12-11-2016 19:24 by snotty
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Yeah I'm married, but get one thing straight,,, I do WHAT I want, WHEN I wanhjkjhgfd,, THIS IS SCOTT'S WIFE, HE HAS TO GO NOW, HE SAYS GOODNIGHT.
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02-07-2013 11:09 by snotty
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Day 12.. I haven't eaten apple in a week,, the doctors are slowly getting thru the barricade, I won't last very long, tell my family I love em
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04-21-2015 21:29 by snotty
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They should have cell phone chargers in waiting rooms instead of magazines.
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02-18-2012 08:06 by snotty
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Guests are coming over for Thanksgiving... Almost time to booby trap the medicine cabinet with marbles.
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11-05-2013 13:02 by snotty
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Kurt Cobain would be so disappointed to find out teen spirit now smells like Axe body spray
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10-09-2012 16:02 by snotty
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My 6yo thinks it's bullcrap that grown-ups don't get a summer break.
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06-03-2013 16:48 by snotty
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I can't wait until Whole Foods starts selling "Mars Water" for 50 bucks a bottle.
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09-30-2015 20:34 by snotty
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I'm not so good about doing the dishes. I just contemplated spreading peanut butter on bread - using scissors
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07-28-2012 09:40 by snotty
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Some people's lives are like open books... Mine is like a trashcan without a lid.
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10-22-2016 20:45 by snotty
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Why do the commercials with the husband and wife doing a home improvement project never show the fistfight?
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09-24-2015 06:51 by snotty
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TOP MISTAKES MARRIED MEN MAKE: 1) Doing things... 2) Not doing things... 3) Thinking about doing things... 4) Not thinking about doing things...
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03-08-2013 14:59 by snotty
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Hmm,,, Voyager1 is 8.2 billion Miles from Earth & continues to send readings back to us.. and I can't get cellphone reception in my livingroom?
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10-28-2013 17:58 by snotty
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Winning a fight with your wife, is like winning a vacation to Detroit... Don't get too excited
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05-25-2015 17:10 by snotty
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If we can have HD video from Mars,,, then I should have 4 bars on my phone everywhere I go.
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10-01-2013 07:36 by snotty
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I assumed a coworker was pregnant. She told me no, just six months fat... We laughed and laughed and then she stabbed me.
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11-14-2013 22:27 by snotty
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