flinnie Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon If I ever put stuff in storage I'm going to write "gold bars" and "priceless memorabilia" on the boxes just to mess with storage wars.
←Rate | 08-28-2012 06:22 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I challenge you to name a more frightening experience than seeing a police car make a u-turn behind you
←Rate | 09-02-2011 04:17 by flinnie Comments (3)  


   messageicon All my childhood invisible friends are probably doctors and lawyers now
←Rate | 03-19-2012 19:41 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon When cats and dogs finally rise up against us, the first thing they'll do is strap Santa hats to our heads and take pictures.
←Rate | 12-10-2011 06:02 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.
←Rate | 06-29-2011 17:43 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon If these walls could talk, I'd probably stop hanging things with nails.
←Rate | 05-19-2012 07:21 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I had to guess where everything went wrong, I'd have to say it was the day I learned "elemenopee" wasn't one awesome letter.
←Rate | 11-04-2011 09:16 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon The fire department will hang up on you if you are reporting a disco inferno.
←Rate | 03-24-2012 06:28 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Having a mohawk used to mean you were tough. Now it means you're a 3 year-old with annoying parents.
←Rate | 12-02-2013 07:03 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Well, I guess these tequila shots aren't going to regret themselves
←Rate | 08-24-2011 15:56 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Never trust a homeless guy selling homemade lemonade, just saying.
←Rate | 04-27-2012 05:56 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I were a pirate I'd skip the skulls and crossbones, and bedazzle a Hello Kitty themed boat. I'd never get caught, cause nobody would admit I robbed them.
←Rate | 09-14-2012 08:49 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon When the nurse calls my name at the doctor's office, I like to run through the waiting room like I got called on The Price is Right
←Rate | 04-26-2013 06:13 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I had a time machine I'd show Albert Einstein the Internet and ruin everything.
←Rate | 04-27-2012 06:07 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Trying to decide what I hate more: 1. Mondays or 2. People who complain about how much they hate Mondays
←Rate | 05-09-2012 12:59 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I love in horror movies how the person yells out "hello?!" as if the killer is gonna say "yeah I'm in the kitchen, want a sandwich?"
←Rate | 04-17-2011 05:50 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon So let me get this straight, a 747 can carry a space shuttle on its "back", and yet airlines charge for overweight baggage?
←Rate | 04-21-2012 05:45 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Facebook was the most searched term on Google last month. If you need Google to find Facebook, you shouldn't be using the internet.
←Rate | 07-18-2011 17:24 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I see a flash mob in public I immediately join in to make it seem like they didn't practice enough.
←Rate | 05-12-2013 07:32 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon When at a meeting when the boss says "anyone have any suggestions?" Don't say "inappropriate touch Tuesday"...trust me
←Rate | 06-15-2011 17:50 by flinnie Comments (0)  




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