Snotty Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Teen at Starbucks asked if I could take her selfie. I said that would just be a photo.... She's still blinking at me.
←Rate | 05-25-2015 12:14 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Everytime this post is liked,, a Member of Congress gets kicked in the genitals.
←Rate | 10-04-2013 16:23 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon I find it highly suspicious that the three bears had the dexterity to buy furniture and make porridge in the first place.
←Rate | 04-16-2013 19:43 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon A TV chef just explained, "it's the heat that starts the cooking process"... Hmmm,, Let me just write that down
←Rate | 09-04-2013 09:00 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Balloons are so much more expensive than when I was a kid... Probably due to,,,,, you know,, inflation.
←Rate | 12-11-2016 19:24 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Yeah I'm married, but get one thing straight,,, I do WHAT I want, WHEN I wanhjkjhgfd,, THIS IS SCOTT'S WIFE, HE HAS TO GO NOW, HE SAYS GOODNIGHT.
←Rate | 02-07-2013 11:09 by snotty Comments (3)  


   messageicon Day 12.. I haven't eaten apple in a week,, the doctors are slowly getting thru the barricade, I won't last very long, tell my family I love em
←Rate | 04-21-2015 21:29 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon They should have cell phone chargers in waiting rooms instead of magazines.
←Rate | 02-18-2012 08:06 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Guests are coming over for Thanksgiving... Almost time to booby trap the medicine cabinet with marbles.
←Rate | 11-05-2013 13:02 by snotty Comments (2)  


   messageicon I can't wait until Whole Foods starts selling "Mars Water" for 50 bucks a bottle.
←Rate | 09-30-2015 20:34 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Kurt Cobain would be so disappointed to find out teen spirit now smells like Axe body spray
←Rate | 10-09-2012 16:02 by snotty Comments (1)  


   messageicon My 6yo thinks it's bullcrap that grown-ups don't get a summer break.
←Rate | 06-03-2013 16:48 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some people's lives are like open books... Mine is like a trashcan without a lid.
←Rate | 10-22-2016 20:45 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm not so good about doing the dishes. I just contemplated spreading peanut butter on bread - using scissors
←Rate | 07-28-2012 09:40 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon TOP MISTAKES MARRIED MEN MAKE: 1) Doing things... 2) Not doing things... 3) Thinking about doing things... 4) Not thinking about doing things...
←Rate | 03-08-2013 14:59 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why do the commercials with the husband and wife doing a home improvement project never show the fistfight?
←Rate | 09-24-2015 06:51 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hmm,,, Voyager1 is 8.2 billion Miles from Earth & continues to send readings back to us.. and I can't get cellphone reception in my livingroom?
←Rate | 10-28-2013 17:58 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Winning a fight with your wife, is like winning a vacation to Detroit... Don't get too excited
←Rate | 05-25-2015 17:10 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon If we can have HD video from Mars,,, then I should have 4 bars on my phone everywhere I go.
←Rate | 10-01-2013 07:36 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I was a rat,,, I wouldn't give anyone my ass.
←Rate | 10-28-2013 16:04 by snotty Comments (0)  




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