Nunthewizr Funny Status Messages
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If getting into heaven is based on how many times you have tried to close the elevator door before someone else gets on, I am screwed.
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Things I'm confused by: how did Rub a Dub Dub, Three Men in a Tub become a nursery rhyme?
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I am thankful for the hide feature on FB.
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One of the best parts about Saturday and Sunday mornings is reading the Status Updates people post after a night of drinking.
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Peppermint Schnapps, the mouthwash you can swallow
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I can be the only guy at Walmart at two in the morning but as soon as I whip that box of Tampax on the belt, the checkout line is full and they do a price check.
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Would it be good news or bad news if your Girlfriend told you that she was already married???
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When your children come up to you after a minor incident and say," This is the worst day of my life!!!" Just look at them.....smile......and say, "You haven't seen anything yet".
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As much as your kids are at my house, you should pay me child support.
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When I die, donate my teeth to the Walmart Cashiers.
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The Skort: skirt in the front, shorts in the back; it's like a mullet for your butt!!
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iF YoU tyPE LiKE ThiS, YoU'rE prOBAblY tOo YoUNG To bE oN fACebOoK.
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Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
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In order to refrain from spending too much on Christmas, I'm voluntarily placing myself in the Jehovah's Witness Protection Program.
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Really struggling on what to get my girlfriend for Valentines Day. I mean, I'd hate to get her the same thing as her Husband does. That would be embarassing.
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The bell ringers are out in full force already. I really don't mind and know it's for a good cause. I just hate the fact that it feels like I'm paying a "cover charge" to go into Walmart.
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Diet tip: If you fatten up everyone around you, you will look thinner.
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In other news....Hannah Montana changes her name to Hannah Idaho.
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Saw a guy return a wedding set at Walmart today and get his $36 back. I'm guessing her answer was, "No."
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My iPhone has 2 million times the storage of the 1969 Apollo 11 spacecraft computer. They went to the moon. I throw birds at pig houses and play scrabble. SCIENCE!
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