John Y Funny Status Messages

   If psychics and palm readers knew anything they'd have hand washing stations.

   If you fill a Whoopee cushion with gravy it adds a great new twist to a rather boring practical joke...

   anybody else hoping to see John Hinckley Jr at the next Hillary rally?

   To the 42 friends that are currently available to chat at 3:11 in the afternoon... Get a job you losers! Oh, wait...

   This No-Shave November is just a guy thing right? I'm not a big fan of surprises.

   If the catholic church looks down on sex before marriage does that mean all of those priests committed two sins?

   "You know I'm a dude right?" Are not the words you want whisped in your ear today!

   I've heard enough of this Black Friday crap. The sooner we realize that all Fridays matter the better off we'll be as a society.

   Yesterday a friend asked me if I would like to go on a Valentine's Day date, but when I asked her who it would be with and if I knew her she got all pissy and stormed off. Another day alone I guess, I just can't catch a break.

   Whenever I see a piece of gum in a urinal it makes me cringe. I just can't imagine the pain that caused on the way out! And also how does it not come out like silly string?

   Well apparently the Tiger Blood that Charlie Sheen has running through his vains came from the same hooker that Magic Johnson was boning.

   Michael Brown's Mother is set to speak at the DNC tonight. Now I wasn't going to watch anymore of this crap, but I don't think that I'll be able to look away from this inevitable train wreck.

   Beyonce is sending prayers to her hometown of Houston... I bet if Harvey was a BLM protester tearing things up she'd be sending bail money.

   I wanna go to Africa to see where rappers come from.

   I made up a new drinking/card game. Its very simple to play, you simply draw a card and if its black you take a shot. Oh yeah, I call it Ferguson.

   Call me a critic but I would just about guarantee that the idiot selling seashells down by the seashore is a product of the No Child Left Behind Act.

   Kim Kardashian was attacked at the Paris Fashion Show! It is still unknown which NFL player assaulted her, but Roger Goodell vows to educate these exceedingly uneducated players. Mainly because this just puts the bi+ch back in the spotlight.

   No its not "cute", its actually quite slutty looking, and yes I love it!

   If you can't celebrate Valentine's Day with someone you love, forget about it at a bar that you like...

   When one door closes you open it back up...That's how doors work.