Baddie Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon I'm old enough to remember when a selfie was some lotion and a box of Kleenex.
←Rate | 09-17-2014 01:49 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's like the women in this bar don't know how close I am to getting my own apartment.
←Rate | 04-24-2014 13:50 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just bought a medical alert bracelet. It says "Probably just sh*tfaced"
←Rate | 05-11-2014 13:56 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Got any drugs or alcohol on you?" "yup, I'm all set. Thanks Officer"
←Rate | 09-21-2013 10:34 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon My new girlfriend said a small d*ck shouldn't be a problem as long as we truly love each other. This was right before she showed it to me.
←Rate | 07-27-2013 14:05 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don’t trust public opinion polls because they don’t take into consideration the fact that the public is made up of mostly idiots.
←Rate | 09-06-2013 14:38 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't want to brag, but I'm single-handedly responsible for 86% of the rules in the Employee Handbook at work.
←Rate | 05-11-2013 09:45 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon So when is this 'old enough to know better' suppose to kick in ?
←Rate | 10-18-2012 13:15 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon When a girl doesn't invite me up to her place after a date I just assume it's because she's a hoarder with 30 kitty cats.
←Rate | 10-15-2012 13:41 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon My boss is currently shopping for quarter million dollar homes. Meanwhile, I'm over here deciding if I really need to spend $2 on lunch.
←Rate | 06-04-2013 01:26 by Baddie Comments (2)  


   messageicon Girls who say "thongs are more comfortable than regular panties" know that all men hear is, "I like things in my butt."
←Rate | 09-06-2013 13:44 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wanna know what it's like being married? Chain yourself to a wild animal. Now kick the animal.
←Rate | 04-04-2014 14:42 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Nothing says "I'm behind on child support." like 26" spinning rims on an 86 Chevy Malibu.
←Rate | 08-23-2014 09:43 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don't ask me stupid questions and I won't hurt your stupid feelings.
←Rate | 10-27-2012 15:51 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon You had me at "do we need to stop at the liquor store on the way to your place"
←Rate | 09-13-2013 13:17 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I might not be smarter than a 5th grader, but I can buy beer.
←Rate | 08-30-2014 11:47 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I finally stopped caring what other people think. I hope everyone's ok with that.
←Rate | 09-02-2014 13:35 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon If your bellybutton jewelry touches the person you’re hugging before you do…you shouldn’t have bellybutton jewelry.
←Rate | 11-27-2013 12:03 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you think your child is annoying, imagine what I think.
←Rate | 12-27-2012 08:17 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Keep an extra condom in your wallet, you'll never know when you have to shut her kids up with a balloon dog.
←Rate | 09-29-2012 15:23 by Baddie Comments (0)  




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