Aaron Funny Status Messages
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Using a public restroom always reminds me how much better I am at flushing a toilet than a lot of other people.
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07-11-2011 18:48 by Aaron
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The rules were already broken when I got here.
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10-25-2010 09:31 by Aaron
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Life is funny. Well, yours is. To me.
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10-10-2010 08:37 by Aaron
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Tattoos are like cats. You get one, then you have to get another, then you get more and more until you have to get rid of them using lasers.
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02-20-2012 17:12 by Aaron
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Whenever you can't think of anything to say in therapy just go with, "I've been thinking about killing you."
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02-28-2013 18:38 by Aaron
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Whenever I go to Subway, when they ask if I would like my sandwich toasted, I say yes & then I raise my cup of Coke & say, "To my sandwich!"
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02-17-2012 21:28 by Aaron
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Definition of anxiety: half of the time you're worried about the other half of the time.
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03-21-2012 17:20 by Aaron
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You're only limited by your own imagination! And money. And talent. And genetics. And time. And other people. Go for it!
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07-14-2011 01:18 by Aaron
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I want one of those jobs where people ask, “Do you actually get paid for doing this?”
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07-19-2012 19:30 by Aaron
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In a public restroom I found a sign that read "THINK" on the mirror above the sink so I labelled the soap dispenser "THOAP" to match with it
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09-26-2012 10:23 by Aaron
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How about adding "Be a nice person" to your bucket list. Any as*hole can jump out of a plane.
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06-27-2012 11:44 by Aaron
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Dear Customer Service: First of all, you should know that I'm typing this with my middle finger.
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10-27-2010 09:12 by Aaron
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Drunk people run stop signs, high people wait for them to turn green..
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10-02-2010 18:51 by Aaron
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My vegetarian friend could not understand why I brought a bottle of ketchup on our hiking trip. “In case we get lost.” He's slow. Tasty slow.
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01-20-2012 22:31 by Aaron
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I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, “I'm going to mop the floor with your face.” I said, “You'll be sorry.” He said, “Oh, yeah? Why?” I said, “Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well.”
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03-16-2010 15:53 by Aaron
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A friend of mine sent me a postcard with a satellite photo of the entire planet on it, and on the back he wrote, "Wish you were here."
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04-13-2010 14:38 by Aaron
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Every time you open your mouth, some idiot starts talking.
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06-19-2010 19:33 by Aaron
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In my will, I'm giving $50 to anyone who wears a Scream costume to my funeral and doesn't say a word.
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01-06-2011 19:30 by Aaron
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I would pay good money to see the mayhem guy from Allstate hook up with Flo from Progressive.
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01-15-2012 10:29 by Aaron
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I sure buy a lot of alcohol. Hope I'm not a shopaholic.
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07-16-2011 20:49 by Aaron
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