@Jimboleem Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon Whenever chicks make that duck face in pictures... I like to imagine it's cause they just got donkey punched in the back of the head.
←Rate | 12-10-2010 16:18 by @Jimboleem Comments (0)  

   messageicon My sex drive isn't too bad..... There's a hooker just three blocks from here.
←Rate | 12-06-2010 18:15 by @Jimboleem Comments (0)  

   messageicon The hot nurse wants to take a blood sample. If I can get some back into my veins, I'll oblige her.
←Rate | 12-08-2010 10:57 by @Jimboleem Comments (0)  

   messageicon The hot neighbor chick snores. ...... When she's being watched....... From her closet. ..... Apparently!
←Rate | 12-08-2010 17:31 by @Jimboleem Comments (0)  

   messageicon 127 Hours would have been better if immediately after he cut off his arm the rock shifted and landed on his foot.
←Rate | 02-13-2011 12:22 by @Jimboleem Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm looking foreword to being the drunken version of wikiLeaks at our office holiday party this year!
←Rate | 12-09-2010 21:47 by @Jimboleem Comments (0)  

   messageicon “Censorship is telling a man he can't have a steak just because a baby can't chew it.” - Mark Twain
←Rate | 01-06-2011 13:18 by @Jimboleem Comments (2)  

   messageicon They're making everything bigger these days. This bus is at least twice as big as the one I rode as a kid.
←Rate | 12-19-2010 22:13 by @Jimboleem Comments (0)  

   messageicon I wonder how many fries are eaten every year between the drive thru window and the parking lot exit.
←Rate | 12-05-2010 21:12 by @Jimboleem Comments (0)  

   messageicon Only 60 shopping days left until black history month!
←Rate | 12-03-2010 14:35 by @Jimboleem Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm not saying it's bad for a girl's pubes to be showing.... I'm saying it matters which end of her shorts they're showing from.
←Rate | 12-06-2010 20:32 by @Jimboleem Comments (0)  

   messageicon Started watching a documentary about Fort Knox but I found it really hard to get into.
←Rate | 12-09-2010 23:19 by @Jimboleem Comments (0)  

   messageicon In the news: Police squad helps dog bite victim. ........... You'd think they would be trying to stop it.
←Rate | 12-09-2010 20:58 by @Jimboleem Comments (0)  

   messageicon I learned two valuable lessons today: 1. 2. Write down valuable lessons before you smoke weed.
←Rate | 12-10-2010 21:33 by @Jimboleem Comments (0)  

   messageicon The thing guys want most for Christmas: A portrait of themselves in a karate outfit, leaning against a sweet Trans Am.
←Rate | 12-11-2010 13:32 by @Jimboleem Comments (0)  

   messageicon "Eh....I'll wait for the next one." - Procrastinating Lifeguard
←Rate | 12-11-2010 17:13 by @Jimboleem Comments (0)  

   messageicon In this kind of weather I like to get a space heater, a good book, a pot of coffee, and curl up on the toilet.
←Rate | 12-06-2010 18:09 by @Jimboleem Comments (0)  

   messageicon If I look like I'm being bashful chances are I'm just trying to cover my nose, because when you talk I can smell your teeth dying.
←Rate | 12-21-2010 18:58 by @Jimboleem Comments (0)  

   messageicon My girlfriend made me promise that when I fly home this Christmas it was her that I fantasized about during my "TSA pat down"
←Rate | 12-09-2010 23:31 by @Jimboleem Comments (0)  

   messageicon My girlfriend and I went to stay with her parents at the weekend, but her dad wouldn't let us sleep together. ... Which is a shame, because I fancy him.
←Rate | 12-06-2010 18:09 by @Jimboleem Comments (0)  

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