Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages

   wondering if Jewish Rabbi get paid for circumcision or do they just keep the tips???

   When people nickname their child "Boo Boo" is that their way of saying their child was an accident?

   The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a text.

   When I hear somebody sigh, "Life is hard," I am always tempted to ask, "Compared to what?"

   feels sorry for all the hassle Toyota drivers have had to put up with the last few weeks, they deserve a brake...

   I hate it when you are looking for something and you realize that it is in your hand.

   loves a woman in uniform...unless she's in my rearview mirror.

   I'm sorry, I'm about to lose you because I'm about to drive into a tunnel in a canyon on an airplane while hanging up the phone.

   became a fan of not becoming a fan of everything on facebook.

   had a party last night... sorry you could not come but your girlfriend did.......TWICE

   Women like having four animals in the house: a jaguar in the driveway, a fox in the closet, a bull in bed, and a numbskull to pay for it.

   Don't try to understand everything.. because sometimes it is not meant to be understood... but rather to be accepted...

   thinks life is pleasant, death is peacefull... it's the transition that is troublesome.

   A girl broke up with me and sent me pictures of her and her new boyfriend in bed together. Solution??? I sent them to her dad.

   ☂ *~Everyone wants to be happy , Nobody wants to be in pain... But you can't have a rainbow without any rain~* ☂

   keeps a fake journal claiming I've done monumental stuff, so if I ever develop amnesia, I'm gonna think I'm freakin' AWESOME!

   Don't call me crazy. I much prefer the term "mentally hilarious."

   Some people think that I assume the world revolves around me, which of course is total nonsense. The world revolves around the sun, which shines out of my a$$.

   if drinking and driving is illegal, then why the hell do bars have a parking lot?

   disappointed that no matter how many times he bangs his head, he doesn't see any cartoon birds.