Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages

   doesn't have a girlfriend, but he does know a woman who'd be mad at him for saying that.

   Unfortunetley for me, mirrors dont talk. Lucky for you, they dont laugh either.

   Did you know that when someone annoys you, it takes 42 muscles to frown, but it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm out and smack 'em in the head?

   Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

   not a stalker. Look! Here's a picture of you in the shower... am I in it? Nooooo!

   A lion would never cheat on his wife, but a tiger wood.

   was thinking about starting a facebook addiction group, but wouldn't that be like starting an alcoholics annonymous at a bar?

   Have you ever watched birds and wondered: "If I could fly who would I crap on first?"

   thinks that life was a lot simpler when I thought girls had cooties, and getting to the bottom of the sandbox was a good day.

   accidentally swallowed some food colouring yesterday. The doctor says I'm OK, but I feel like I've dyed a little inside.

   A girl is always RIGHT....Just sometimes confused, misinformed, rude, stubborn, senseless, unchangeable, and even downright stupid but not WRONG.

   There are hundreds of languages throughout the world but a smile speaks them all! ◕‿◕

   Remember when we were young and couldn't wait to grow up so we could do whatever we wanted, whenever we wanted... How's that working' out?

   If Bill Gates had a penny for every time I had to reboot my computer... oh wait, he does.

   Never agree to plastic surgery if the doctor's office is full of portraits by Picasso.

   Never comment on a woman's rear end. Never use the words "large" or "size" with "rear end." Never. Avoid the area altogether. Trust me.

   This bill collector called my house for the last time today. I told him just like it is... You call my house 1 more time and I'm taking your name out the hat. I put everybody's name in a hat, at the end of the week I draw a name and that's the one I pay.

   You know you're fat when you sit in the bath and the water in the toilet rises.

   Relationships are like farts... If you push too hard, things could get messy!

   There are 3 kinds of people: Those who can count & those who can't.