Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages

   I really hate it when people say "that sucks" like it really makes the situation any better.

   People are going to start thinking we're crazy, well just me, you went past crazy ages ago.

   I saw some drunk guy chasing his shadow down the street screaming "Give me back my wallet."

   convinced that if people really follow their dreams no one would get anything done 'cause people would just be having sex with everyone everywhere.

   I saw a sign on the back of a dump truck that said: "Happiness is getting your load off."

   It's not even a booty call, it's a drive by... hit it and go.

   Sometimes I feel like kicking you in the face ... but then again WHY should I help improve your looks?

   You know you are obsessed with farmville, when your stomach is growling and you say, "Shut-up! I need to harvest!"

   wishing I could invade my neighbors farms and take over their land in Farmville.

   From now on I will be doing my laundry while nude. This way when I'm done, I will truly be finished washing all of my clothes.

   thinks it should be illegal to do construction, mow, and/or weed whack before noon.

   used Tag bodywash this morning and was looking forward to a goodtime before work. Unfortunately, no girls busted through walls or outran cheetahs to ravage me, dammit.

   If a guy takes Viagra and his erection does last more than 4 hours, do you HONESTLY think he calls his doctor to complain or does he go through his phone and line up his booty calls???

   a humble person, really. I'm actually much greater than I think I am.

   I want a Toyota even more than before. Now if you get pulled over you can blame the accelerator!

   Sex is like air... it's not important unless you aren't getting any.

   I wonder what the person who discovered milk was doing with the cow...

   would be more willing to accept people for who they are if they were more like how I wanted them to be.

   I always wanted to be somebody. Now I realize that I should have been more specific.

   My career plans were much more exciting when I was five.