Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages

   I'm going back to traffic school to get my Masters.

   Facebook is perfect for me. It's the c0cktail party where you don't have to wait your turn to speak.

   I'm beginning to suspect the only reason I'm not hungover is because I'm still drunk.

   If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.

   Some people rake leaves, others blow them. I prefer the flamethrower, it's fun for the whole neighborhood.

   I'm thinking of removing all the keys off my friend's keyboard and replacing them in a random order.

   Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers. And once you find laughter, no matter how painful your situation might be, you can survive it.

   Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

   Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

   Thoughts lead to words... Words lead to actions... Actions build your character... Your character determines your destiny.

   2 eyes to see... 2 ears to hear... 2 hands to hold... 2 legs to walk... but 1 heart? Because the other was given to someone else... for us to find.

   ► Play The Moments ▌▌ Pause The Memories ■ Stop The Pain ◄◄ Rewind The Happiness.

   I don't think of Canada as a different country, I think of it more like, America's Hat, because they've always got us covered. Same goes for Mexico, I think of them as Americas Legs, because without them, none of the labor would get done.

   Don't let life get in the way of your dreams... go back to sleep!

   LOGOUT: The hardest button to click on Facebook.

   Whenever I hear someone say “STOP” my brain says “Hammer Time”

   I'm not feeling myself today... anyone else wanna try?

   Since practice makes perfect, I must thank my parents for not givin' up on the first try. :)

   I wonder if children who stutter are the result of pregnant women using vibrators.

   A man went to see a psychiatrist, wearing only Gladwrap shorts. The shrink said, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."