Funny Status Messages

   As a driver, I hate pedestrians and as a pedestrian, I hate drivers. But no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate bicyclists.

   They're bringing back the federal government for a limited time, like it's the McRib.

   Why storm Area 51 at all? Just dress up like an ailen and wander around outside the fence. They'll catch you and take you inside.

   If people try to tell you money doesn't buy happiness - they're wrong. It does.

   .... If you own a Tesla and it gets stolen .... Is it then called an Edison?

   Trust me, don't get Guinea Pigs. They're a lot of work for relatively little meat.

   Britain: Now that you're no longer part of Europe, can you finally admit that soccer sucks?

   I heard they're going to be opening up dentist offices in Walmart. They are even including an express lane for people with 10 teeth or less!

   anybody else hoping to see John Hinckley Jr at the next Hillary rally?

   The fabrications of criminality are laughable! Finally, your folks are heading for court and prison.

   If you can't look back at your younger self and realize that you were an idiot, you probably still are.

   Now that Elmer has been disarmed, prepare for a huge population boom of cartoon rabbits ..

   Calm down! Walmart is just asking you to wear a mask and you can still wear your pajamas and leave your bras and teeth at home.

   Has somebody tried giving 2020 a Snickers?

   If anyone is going to be alone for Thanksgiving this year please let me know. I need to borrow some chairs.

   We wouldn’t really have any national debt in this country if strippers would just pay their damn income taxes.

   Word of the day - MACROVERBUMSCIOLIST -Someone who pretends to know a word, then secretly looks it up.

   Facebook is the perfect tool for keeping in touch with people that you lost touch with for very good reasons.

   Hey,,, I know the words to all 5 songs on the radio.

   Thanks to #AmazonPrimeDays I know what it feels like to be catfished.