Funny Status Messages

   I prefer my sex be no strings attached. However rope or handcuff attached is just fine. ;0)

   Lord, please place one hand over my shoulder and the other over my mouth!! Thank you!

   Meanwhile, at the BP command center ... *cricket* *Cricket*

   the Lone Ranger and Tonto are riding through the desert.Tonto hears something and drops to the ground with his ear to the dirt.After a few seconds he lifts his head "Buffalo come!"he says"how can you tell?"says the Lone Ranger"Face sticky "says Tonto

   n't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”?

   The day I confuse the Google search box with my Facebook status update box will be a tragic, life changing and possibly fatal one.

   I wish one night stands could be annulled.

   you wouldn't know what crazy was if Charles Manson was eating Fruit Loops on your front porch.

   Every man should carry a sharp knfife , a sharp pen and a sharp tongue but only a gentlemen knows whe to use them

   Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.

   just had a near-work experience...

   Still trying to figure out how they can all afford to buy guns and bullets while on Food Stamps.

   My washer and dryer finished at the same time, but I think my dryer faked it.

   If they can get their student loans forgiven, then I want my car loan forgiven. ALL LOANS MATTER

   i dropped my affordable health care because I couldn't afford it .

   If you never whined and begged your mom for a quarter to put in the trinket machine in the front of the grocery store and then ended up chasing a bouncy ball down isle 9 and knocking over a pyramid of potted meat then your childhood probably sucked.

   Well behaved women rarely make browser history.

   A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice!!!

   Congratulations to all who won in the election and my condolences to all who have lost I wish you all the best in the future. Now please get your dayum signs off my street corners. Have a great day.

   My wife just cleaned out her purse. So, she'll be having a garage sale later this week.