JOser Funny Status Messages

   You know who sucks Aggressive drivers. And cowardly drivers. And slow drivers. And drivers who are not me.

   Bowl cuts will never go out of style. Unless they somehow become stylish first.

   I showed my iPad to my iPod, and he was all "what's up fatty".

   Passwords are like underwear. You shouldn't leave them out where people can see them. You should change them regularly. And you shouldn't loan them out to strangers.

   Well, the Mayans were close-- Oprah goes off the air in 2011.

   I miss The Oregon Trail. Life seemed so simple when your biggest worry was killing enough buffalo before you died of dysentery.

   No you must have misheard. I said that the job was "below me".

   There's someone outside wearing nothing but cowboy boots, a candy necklace and a tiara. Damn. What am I suppose to wear now?

   Dinner is no fun anymore since I stopped pretending I'm on TV when I'm cooking.

   Actions speak louder than words. Especially if that action is yelling.

   I wouldn't mind all the diving and faking in soccer if, at random times during each game, a trapdoor opened to a pit of hungry crocodiles.

   A procrastinator's work is never done.

   My coworkers are exceptionally dedicated. You should see how far they'll go to annoy me

   Can you call the Geek Squad if you just want to give someone a wedgie?

   "You look like you work out", said no one, to me.

   Ugly is such an ugly word. If you must describe me I'd prefer if you used the term "handsomely-challenged

   It's never too late to start secretly playing air guitar.

   "Well done, son. I'm very appointed in you." "Appointed?" "Opposite of disappointed." "You mean proud?" "Let's not get carried away, kiddo."

   The good thing about being 6' 1" is that no one will see my bald patch... Unless you're using Google Earth...

   MOTORISTS: When going through a speed camera, flash your lights twice