Funny Status Messages

   What would I do if I won the lottery? Make Charlie Sheen look like an amateur.

   Gonna get two gold front teeth that says, "fried chicken"

   Hillary couldn't even establish a "No Fly Zone" on her face!!

   I wonder if everybody is still Kung Fu fightng.

   I wish the ATM machine would spit me out an extra 20 just one damn time!!

   quit gambling. wanna bet?

   seize the moment! Remember all those people on the Titanic who waved off the dessert cart...

   "You look like you work out", said no one, to me.

   ✔ Food ✔ Beer ✔ More food ✔ Suit ✔ Laundry ✔ Wine ❒ Christmas Gifts ..... Damn

   Dear Facebook Family...Thanks for being the Joy to my World...Merry Christmas!

   awake ❒ asleep ❒ concious but hung over ✔

   People never say, "Boy that was sure a great Ben Affleck movie".

   thinks Apple needs a device that emits warning signals that a loser is approaching...call it the iPutz.

   I'm one of those bad things that happen to good people............

   So remember, ,, for every action,,,,, there is an equal and opposite social media overreaction

   Lorena Bobbitt moved to Russia. Her new name is Ivana Kutchacokov.

   Scrolling thru my feed it looks like an advertisement for Aqua fresh toothpaste.

   The protest in Baltimore ended today when the protesters found out they weren't getting paid.

   All females have 50 screenshoted quotes ready for when the sh*t goes down..

   Paying taxes is why middle class America can't have nice things