joser Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon A leopard can't change its spots, unless it has Photoshop.
←Rate | 06-15-2010 17:31 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Still working on an electromagnetic pulsating device to disable cell phones in theaters. For now, please continue making do with neckpunches.
←Rate | 06-16-2010 17:52 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon That thing people do with their mouth when they're using their tongue to get food out of their teeth, I bet there's porn for that.
←Rate | 06-24-2010 23:21 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon An Unemployment Registry would make a lot more sense than a Wedding Registry.
←Rate | 05-03-2010 17:29 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Bad news: pulled a muscle. Good news: implied presence of muscle.
←Rate | 07-11-2010 11:50 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon What do you mean I can't order a Whopper with bacon in between 2 chicken patties wrapped in a burrito? I thought this was Have It Your Way?
←Rate | 04-29-2010 13:08 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon LIFE; It's one damned thing after another
←Rate | 06-02-2010 22:58 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Life would be easier if Kleenex just made shirt sleeves.
←Rate | 06-03-2010 13:24 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon my 7 year old is all "F*ck homework!" and I'm all "I didn't adopt an Asian baby for you to suck at school!"
←Rate | 05-03-2010 17:29 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Monday Morning just logged me out due to inactivity...
←Rate | 05-03-2010 17:31 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Let this be known as my Living Will. I do not wish to be cremated. If the Zombie Apocalypse happens I would like to be a part of it.
←Rate | 06-14-2010 19:13 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't take compliments well. Or criticism. You know what, just don't talk to me.
←Rate | 07-08-2010 18:56 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Look, all we have to do is put little pieces of paper with mystical-sounding gibberish on them inside these cookies -- we'll make a fortune!
←Rate | 06-16-2010 18:16 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Filing a BP Damage Claims. Due to the Gulf disaster, instead of a vacation at the beach, we're going to visit my in-laws...
←Rate | 07-14-2010 17:18 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon surviving this massive amount of "family time" by pretending they are mental patients and I'm their case manager.
←Rate | 06-11-2010 19:31 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon for every action there will be someone to have a complete overreaction.
←Rate | 07-06-2010 17:24 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm about to conquer a mountain of BBQ meat so epic that my utensils are a beach towel, safety goggles, and police tape.
←Rate | 05-17-2010 09:49 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon How can anybody call themselves a Life Coach when they haven't even played a whole game yet?
←Rate | 04-19-2010 22:10 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon You know who sucks Aggressive drivers. And cowardly drivers. And slow drivers. And drivers who are not me.
←Rate | 07-12-2010 11:36 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon thinks rock is dead. And paper killed it!
←Rate | 04-22-2010 19:46 by Joser Comments (0)  




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