joser Funny Status Messages
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I had 99 problems but I took one down and passed it around.
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07-13-2010 18:13 by Joser
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Just before I die I'm going to get my hand stamped in case I want to come back in.
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07-13-2010 19:57 by Joser
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It wasn't until Rick gazed upon a photo on her facebook after 4 kids, and 80 pounds that he finally stopped wishing he had Jessie's girl.
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05-25-2010 18:21 by Joser
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Facebook is doing maintenance on my account. I hope that means they're airbrushing my profile pics!
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06-02-2010 19:48 by Joser
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Please, Lord, let me prove that winning the lottery won't spoil me...
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04-06-2010 02:24 by Joser
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girl next to me at work is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup... NICE!
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04-28-2010 13:43 by Joser
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Hangovers are for people foolish enough to stop drinking.
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07-11-2010 15:39 by Joser
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This Halloween I'll be a banker. I'll eat all my candy, all yours, then convince the government that if I don't get more candy we all starve.
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07-12-2010 11:35 by Joser
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This isn't quite what I wanted to be when I grew up, but it was the best I could do on such short notice.
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04-26-2010 20:15 by Joser
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I have often regretted my speech, never my silence...
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04-29-2010 23:31 by Joser
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My futon might pull out, but I don't!
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05-01-2010 14:31 by Joser
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My philosophy? People who have creepy dungeons probably don't wear a watch. So, when a stranger asks for the time, I pepper spay them.
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05-21-2010 17:47 by Joser
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used the search term "the perfect job for me" on google and it laughed at me...
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04-22-2010 17:53 by Joser
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wants you to know that you have my undivided, continuous, partial attention.
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06-15-2010 18:38 by Joser
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Maybe this world is another planet's hell...
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04-28-2010 22:28 by Joser
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The dog keeps licking his butt and staring at me. I don't feel bad for him though. I tried to give him toilet paper and he ate it.
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06-30-2010 17:53 by Joser
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If you accept a penny for your thoughts, not only are you a philosophical prostitute. You're not a very good one.
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07-01-2010 17:33 by Joser
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This day needs more yesterday...
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06-28-2010 21:16 by Joser
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Sex is like Jenga: you pull out and try not to make a mess
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05-14-2010 18:57 by Joser
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The happiest sentence, ruined by one word: I'm getting laid. Off.
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05-27-2010 18:13 by Joser
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