Czovczov Funny Status Messages

   What good is a safe word if your mouth is full?

   If you're single and you know it hug your cat!

   Vodka and denial is still cheaper than therapy

   I'd rather drown going against the current than glide along a journey I don't believe in.

   If I've learned anything from my 7-day Detox, it's that I love toxins.

   My grocery list is just a piece of paper that says "snacks".

   Giving people the benefit of the doubt is usually just a polite way of temporarily overlooking their stupidity.

   Sorry I unliked your pic. My girlfriend ordered me to do it or I sleep on the couch tonight.

   Come a little closer so I can push you away. - Women

   Being polite and rational - a woman's ultimate warning sign something is wrong.

   DATING TIP: add 'Free Wi-Fi' to your dating profile

   Beautiful things happen when you distance yourself ……………………………………………from negative $hit.

   If your wife is "rewarding" you with sex when you're good, you really need to work harder at getting her to view sex as her own reward.

   I don't have a drinking problem. I have a stopping problem.

   I'm like a newborn baby when I wake up with a hangover. Unaware of my surroundings, sensitive to light and covered in God knows what.

   I am not looking for a one night stand, 2 hours will be plenty enough.

   Kanye West and Kim Kardashian dating each other saves two other people in the world from misery!

   ONLY Justin Bieber could make doing drugs look not cool.

   Ford vehicles names are more fun when you put "an@l" in front of them..Probe, Explorer, Excursion, Endeavor, Ranger,etc

   Big mouths overcompensate for small minds.