Snotty Funny Status Messages

   "I'm just sayin. It'd be better without the raisins." ------[ Everything with raisins ]

   Boycott IHOP!,,,, And only buy domestic.

   If God didn't intend for us to eat animals, he was probably really freaked out when we started

   Actualy, I'm dying for Trump to make it to the primary so we can see all the horrible things he says about each state he loses in one by one.

   I bet Mike Rowe from Dirty Jobs has a crapload of W2s

   Just ate 3 tennis balls by mistake,,,, frig you Pringle's.

   Just...sitting...thinking...planning my next move to get that new roll of toilet paper about 5 feet away from me.

   Two Facebook addicts walk into a bar. One turns to the other and says.................NOTHING,, cause he's just staring down at his phone

   I just saw what looked like a menstruating raccoon "Planking" while a crow scratched her back,,,, How cute!! I should take a picture..

   The mighty pancake village has been razed to the ground by my fork of Nom and I, its wielder..

   If you were cyberbullied by me or my gang on the wii tennis forums,,,, I apologize. I have grown a lot since then.

   Praise be unto Jesus,, owned so epically on the Cross so that we may not be similarly Owned & who on the 3rd day turned Epic Fail to epic Win

   So I'm at antiques roadshow getting competitive and sweaty, letting everyone in line cut in front of me so my stuff will be older when I get to the front.

   Yeah,, I could just roll in this bar and announce that I'm Thor's brother,, but I'm just gonna keep it Loki tonight.

   Image makeover idea #1: Haiti should rename itself Likey.

   *Looks at Olive Garden menu.... "Waiter?,, Up up down down left right left right B A"... Waiter: "Unlimited breadsticks, coming right up"

   [Shark Tank, 1928] Inventor: I call it Sliced Bread... My Great Grandfather: I like to decide my own bread thickness,,, and for that reason I'm out.

   Not sure if everyone knows how to play the harmonica or no one knows how to play the harmonica

   Body of a man discovered in blue, curbside recycling bin in South Boston.... Police say body should've been placed in green, curbside bin.

   It wasn’t until I tasted the chewy monkey bits through the chocolate & peanut butter,, that I realized I accidentally bought Rhesus Pieces.