Snotty Funny Status Messages

   Well, One place that HASN'T recovered from the financial recession is Atlantis,,, I came back from a visit last week and sadly,, most every house I saw ,,,, Still entirely underwater

   I've time traveled almost an infinite number of times to stop myself from eating too much pizza, but every time,, future me just joins past me in eating it*

   Remember yesterday was September.... So,, Only three more months of summer

   BREAKING NEWS : Bill Cosby withdraws support for Donald Trump

   I don't want to seem like a snob,,, but I was the only one to not use a coupon for our Mothers day lunch..

   And now I must perform the nightly ritual where I use "floss" to purify my gums of their excess blood

   I apologize sir, but we're all out of Mohicans.

   I'm also not a JETS fan,,, but on E-Bay, If I ever see a old, used,, Dirty Sanchez jersey,, I'm TOTALLY buying that too....

   BTW,, I won't walk a mile even in my own friggin shoes,,,, So,,

   Everytime I give blood,,, they asking where I got it..

   NEWS FLASH: The Bush's baked beans dog finally speaks out, says dogs actually hate Sarah McLachlan.

   "I'm not mad." - My wife when she's mad,,, Well,, actually EVERY woman when she's mad

   It's been a while,,,,, Has Bono EVER found,,,, What he's looking for?

   Pick a number between 6 and 6 that represents the number of doughnuts I have had today.

   Hey,,,I say stuff, you should say stuff with me,, and then we'll have fun... M-kay?

   "How do you think you would like it if the tables were turned?"...... ~interior decorators

   They'll get it later, I tell myself after posets go unliked.... They'll all laugh later.

   If you've deactivated facebook, and someone tells you happy Birthday .. Marry that person

   If Evolution were REALLY a real thing,,,,, A LONG time ago, Men would have developed a defence to the ole "kick in the nuts"

   I think I deserve a bunch of "likes" just for deleting all the crap I had in my drafts folder...