Czovczov Funny Status Messages

   Women need a reason to cheat, men just need another woman.

   Always look for the good in everyone… if you can't find it, you probably need another drink.

   You don't have to fight over who sleeps in the wet spot if one of you is smart enough to flip the mattress over.

   I just held the door open for a Japanese guy and he said, "Sank you" So I punched him in the face. I can't believe he brought up Pearl Harbor just like that.

   She said there was no spark between us, so I tazed her. I'll ask again when she wakes up.

   I'm getting drunk while depressed. If I have your phone number, now would be a good time to your phone off.

   All I know is that Facebook causes a pile of laundry.

   I'm a guy that loves to show a woman exactly what I like sexually. So I start off every first date with a 2-hour PowerPoint presentation.

   Dear God, when I said six figure salary, I didn't mean only zeros.

   Kristen Stew@rt is apologizing for "everything she has done", which I'm assuming includes the Twilight series.

   I don't drink water, unless it's been through a brewery first.

   Today I opened the door to the supply room and a gay Chinese guy jumped out and yelled "supplies!"

   Facebook: Where you can be who you wish you were.

   "I'll make delicious food and you will eat it and then I will give you grief for getting fat and how you will die alone" - Mom

   I don't take my wallet to work because I'm afraid someone will steal it while I'm sleeping.

   Ladies: that blood curdling scream you just heard was my warrior cry and definitely had nothing to do with a bee chasing me.

   It's fun to confuse people by using common sense.

   Don't stare at me during sex! I don't know you!

   I once won an argument with a woman…in this dream I had.

   I ALWAYS cry after sex because I don't know when I'm getting it again.