Joser Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon I like to follow up a compliment with a threat. For example, "Nice shirt! I'll fight you for it."
←Rate | 06-17-2010 20:26 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Bond. Hydrogen Bond.
←Rate | 06-24-2010 23:23 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon You know what would make this Pina Colada better? Cancun.
←Rate | 07-13-2010 20:00 by Joser Comments (1)  


   messageicon I'm not high maintenance, but rather precious cargo with lavish instruction for upkeep.
←Rate | 05-12-2010 13:54 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon sometimes I find hope at the bottom of a bottle of vodka.
←Rate | 05-14-2010 19:01 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Well there's only one way to find out how many of my coworkers secretly wish that I'd punch them...
←Rate | 04-19-2010 22:05 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
←Rate | 04-22-2010 09:06 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon My new study method for finals is put a question on the outside of a beer bottle and the answer at the bottom
←Rate | 04-26-2010 04:32 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon You call it poor parenting, I call it raising free range children.
←Rate | 05-24-2010 11:06 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wouldn't mind all the diving and faking in soccer if, at random times during each game, a trapdoor opened to a pit of hungry crocodiles.
←Rate | 06-30-2010 17:52 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Little known fact: "Ikea" is actually Swedish for the sound one makes when sh*tty furniture falls apart.
←Rate | 07-15-2010 17:25 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Bumper stickers I'd like to give out: I BRAKE FOR NO REASON / MY OTHER SIGNAL IS OFF / HONK IF YOU HATE WAITING AT GREEN LIGHTS
←Rate | 06-18-2010 18:41 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon The most tedious part of being an Afghani phone sex operator is describing what I'm wearing.
←Rate | 07-10-2010 17:31 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon What do Edward Cullen and a Christmas tree have in common? Their tiny balls sparkle.
←Rate | 07-01-2010 22:51 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wave your hands in the air! Wave ‘em all around like you're relatively indifferent to the current situation in which you find yourself!
←Rate | 06-16-2010 21:59 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Condom says to Tampax.."You put me outta Business for 1 week a month. Tampax says to Condom..."If you don't do your job I lose mine for 9 months."
←Rate | 04-28-2010 13:46 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wipe your mouth. There's still a tiny bit of bullsh*t around your lips.
←Rate | 06-29-2010 17:59 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon One of the major benefits of using a combined 2 in 1 shampoo/conditioner is having enough room leftover on the shower caddy for the beer.
←Rate | 07-03-2010 14:39 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon tried to join a Tourette's support group but they told me to piss off.
←Rate | 04-23-2010 19:30 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Going to Prehab... On the off chance that I get addictions...
←Rate | 04-19-2010 22:06 by Joser Comments (0)  




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