Snotty Funny Status Messages

   What's the cheapest kind of meat?... Deer Balls, They're under a Buck!... *Drops mic.,, Cries behind stage*

   "Sorry... Sorry... Sorry... Sorry... Pardon... Sorry..." Canadian bumper cars...

   My wife and I just renewed our vows of celibacy.

   He's making a list,, and checking it 42 times,,, then washing his hands 11x,, and finally touching the sleigh 3x for good measure...: OCD Santa

   One thing I've learned about myself after all this time on Facebook is that I have no idea how to use a comma.

   My wifes poor ovaries.. They keep producing eggs, like those Japanese soldiers on a Pacific island who don't know the war is over.

   Hey Jessica Biel,,,,,,,,, Please,, Please,, Please,, name your kid Batmo

   A sitcom after all the years away from television proves again that Michael J Fox is one of the true movers and shakers of entertainment.

   *eats apple while maintaining eye contact with doctor*

   Ain't no sandwich when she's gone... Ain't no Sub when she's away..

   My kids are Half-British and Half-Southern......... I pray for their teeth everyday.

   I think Web MD is like a "Choose Your Own Adventure" book where the ending is always cancer.

   Trying to understand some people,,, Is like trying to pick up a turd by the clean end...

   I hear boomerangs are making a comeback

   Just used a full size twix bar to stir my coffee.... *If I ever forget my passport, this post doubles as proof of U.S. citizenship.*

   America is shocked & disgusted when Bill Clinton admits he had sexual relations with Hilary.

   Don't forget to wear your best clothes to church because Jesus was all about one-upping your neighbour with fancier duds.

   Too many herbs have effd up my omelet.... If only I could turn back thyme...

   So this midget walks into a mini bar........

   I will gather my Grandchildren around for one of my bedtime stories. Like todays story about the "Cinco De Mayo",, a riviting yet sad tale of a ship, laden with mayonaise,,, which sinks off the coast of Mexico.(cue background music, Wreck of the Edmund..)