Kisstopher707 Funny Status Messages

   Fellas; You need to know that if her favorite movie is The Notebook, she will never be satisfied and happy.

   I'm so drunk I almost answered my phone.

   Hey guys, just to let you all know I'll be closing my facebook account in three days. But in four days I'll be explaining why I didn't leave

   I'm surrounded by sex addicts & alcoholics. So glad I found y'all.

   If you don't hate yourself after it, you haven't eaten enough.

   Whenever I move into a new neighborhood, the first thing I familiarize myself with is the liquor store coz you know priorities.

   Cigarettes take 50 years to kill you. I'm more worried about the stuff that does it quickly like sharks, lightning, women or flamethrowers.

   Only if these women were as thorough in choosing a man as they are in choosing which selfies to upload on facebook maybe they wouldn't get heartbroken so often.

   I'd rather mail myself somewhere than ride in a Smart Car.

   "We had to let him go. He was only pulling 15 times his weight around here." - Corporate ants.

   No Grandma, EBOLA is not a new perfume from Kim Kardashian

   If you have accepted Nicki Minaj’s music as hip hop then you can’t *itch about Macklemore winning the best rap album award at the Grammys. You can't lower the bar for one person and deny another.

   This is actually Kanye West's second marriage, as he's been divorced from reality for many years now.

   whenever I hear that customer service calls are going to be recorded I do one of my raps because I’m done paying for studio time

   Today is one of those days where I wonder where it all went wrong. Then I realize it's never been right.

   Don't fall in love, learn how to ruin your life all by yourself.

   Can't believe people still go to the gym when they can just post it as their status and go have ice cream instead.

   I am so thankful and grateful that out of all the planets in the universe, we live on one with pizza and vodka.

   If love is a battlefield then I keep dying in basic training.

   Instead of testing products on animals, how about testing on people who don’t say thank you after you hold the door open for them. Just a suggestion.