Doc Noland Funny Status Messages

   Manti Te'o watches Clint Eastwood speaking to an empty chair *nods approvingly*

   ".. So he sayeth unto me 'Taketh NyQuil with the Wine and Ye shall feel the path with your thoughts and hear things with your vision.'"

   Found a gray nose hair. Transformation to Gandalf: 1% complete.

   Going to sleep with a t-shirt on is a great way to wake up knowing what a crocodile death roll feels like

   if Da Vinci were alive today, the "Mona Lisa" would have been called "IMG-20125215-00854.jpg"

   Some People are Morning People, I am a Never People. *

   Hail Mary, full of grace, put Notre Dame in second place.

   Entering 2013 the same way I entered this world! Naked crying, and alone. (Adoption Joke gone way wrong)

   Everyone loves "sexy mom" except her kids

   This pizza looks like a pie chart of 100% good news.

   If you're nice to an animal, it loves you for life. If you're nice to a woman, who the hell knows what's gonna happen.

   Todays brain is brought to you by new sponsers. Yesterdays medical alcohol.

   All the noises I used to make during sex, I now make getting up in my truck.

   My resolutions are the same as last year: try to make it all the way through, or not, whatever.

   If you need an assault rifle with 30, 50, or 90 round clips to protect yourself maybe you just suck at protecting yourself.

   My right eye has been twitching for the past hour. Is this what it's like to have a hobby?

   A giant spider just attacked the back of my neck and then quickly morphed back into my t-shirt tag!

   ♫ Loving you is easy because you're slightly attractive and I've been drinking a lot, doot-n-doot-n-do-doo Ah.... ♫

   People!! I have been watching the news the last few days. Now, I never took journalism class, but I'm petty sure "Don't Interview Traumatized Children" came right before "Learn To Spell".

   Oh wow! Thanks for the newsletter, Hotel Chain! I'm just lonely enough to read this!