Joser Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon If age is just a number, can I get mine unlisted?
←Rate | 06-02-2010 14:12 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon I made eye contact with someone in traffic and then didn't let them merge. I feel like a James Bond villain.
←Rate | 05-14-2010 19:00 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm a really down to earth guy because, you know, gravity...
←Rate | 06-26-2010 14:25 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Switched my GPS to the male voice. Got tired of it announcing turns after we'd passed them and telling me to stop and ask for directions.
←Rate | 06-25-2010 19:09 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear gigantic flock of birds chirping loudly in the parking lot sh*ting all over my car, There's still more north left... Go annoy Canada...
←Rate | 05-11-2010 17:16 by Joser Comments (1)  


   messageicon Why are they called "Starving Artists" instead of "Untalented Hippies"?
←Rate | 06-14-2010 19:11 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just watch a naked Chinese man run into a wall at full speed with a hard on. He broke his nose.
←Rate | 06-11-2010 17:37 by Joser Comments (4)  


   messageicon 30 minutes? I want to hear that from the pizza. Put the pizza on the phone!
←Rate | 04-23-2010 13:28 by Joser Comments (1)  


   messageicon Some say the glass is half full, some say the glass is half empty. I say “Are you gonna drink that?”
←Rate | 05-04-2010 17:49 by Joser Comments (1)  


   messageicon Saying irregardless makes you sound irridiculous.
←Rate | 06-23-2010 18:19 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon I know I looked like a complete idiot on that wedding video but the camera adds 10 drinks.
←Rate | 05-05-2010 12:09 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon OH NO! I'm sorry. I thought it was lime that heals all wounds. That must really sting.
←Rate | 07-13-2010 18:12 by Joser Comments (2)  


   messageicon I'm proud of the fact that 87% of my day is just me making faces at my coworker while his back is turned.
←Rate | 07-01-2010 22:50 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon want to know if sex toy manufacturers have product testers?
←Rate | 04-19-2010 18:20 by Joser Comments (1)  


   messageicon People's cellphone ringtones say a lot about them. Usually they say, "I'm mystified by this phone settings."
←Rate | 04-28-2010 18:12 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon The truth is, when I start a statement with "the truth is" I'm usually lying my @ss off
←Rate | 05-01-2010 14:29 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Reminder, fellas: bra cups come in sizes AA, A, B, C, D, DD, OMG, WTF.
←Rate | 06-16-2010 17:58 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon wants you to read this status... Keep reading it... There, now I have full control over your mind. Now bring me a beer!
←Rate | 04-27-2010 19:33 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear BP, None of this would've happened if you had hired the best deep core drilling team -- Bruce Willis, Owen Wilson, Ben Affleck, and the big black guy from Green Mile.
←Rate | 06-01-2010 13:21 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Match.com says it's responsible for more dates leading to marriages that any other online site. And yet, it has no warning label.
←Rate | 06-02-2010 14:04 by Joser Comments (0)  




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