GaryKoenig Funny Status Messages

   Sometimes you have to sit back and play the role of a fool to fool the fool who thinks they are fooling you.

   Okay now that Christmas is over, I'm ready for summer!

   I had a call from a telemarketer and he said he couldn't understand me. I told him to press 1 for English.

   Marriage tip: If you're getting ready to go out in public with your wife, ask her, "Would you please put on some makeup?" This will help her understand that you are concerned with her appearance, and she will love you more for it.

   NO! I didn't fall on the floor! I attacked it with my wicked ninja skills! Aren't you jealous?

   What's on a wife's mind when lecturing her husband: whatever she's lecturing her husband about. What's on a husband's mind when his wife is lecturing him: the scores of the ballgame.

   Due to popular demand, the Kansas City Chiefs are changing their name to the Kansas City Swifties.

   Marriage tip #3: When you have to run some errands and your wife doesn't want to go with you, just grab yourself some Dunkin Donuts, don't get her any. When she asks why you didn't grab her anything, just say, "If you truly loved me, you would have gone w

   Money can't buy you happiness. But somehow it's much more comfortable to cry in a Porsche than on a bicycle.

   I need to watch it as I've started having road rage behind the wheel. But sometimes I get road rage walking behind people at the grocery store.

   So if the groundhog is too fat to see his shadow, do we get six weeks of jelly doughnuts?

   Ok Jack Frost! You need to quit playing freeze tag with Elsa and Subzero from Mortal Kombat. Because you all keep missing each other, and it is starting to affect the rest of us.

   It's so cold out that you can milk a cow and get instant ice cream.

   I'm tired of winter! I want to fast-forward to complaining about how hot it is!

   My parents have been attending their own personal Ugly Christmas Sweater Party every holiday season since 1984.

   I don't get how people afford life without a job??? I can't even afford it with a job.

   Worried about rising gas prices? Taco Bell and White Castle sell gas for less than $2.

   I'm excited to announce that I have completed the first item on my bucket list. I have the bucket.