Snotty Funny Status Messages

   Roman Numerals? What are they good IV? Absolutely nothing..

   The GOP is like your wise old Grandad who stands up, voices pearls of wisdom and genius, and then pees his pants.

   Michael J. Fox etch-a-sketched the entire New York City skyline in 4 seconds.

   Did you know that every 60 seconds,,, Somewhere in Africa,,,, a minute passes.

   I threw my bra on stage at a concert once. It landed somewhere in the flute section.

   Ummm uh-oh,,,, My car's GPS asked me,,, "Who's Siri?"

   Any salad can be a caesar salad,,, if you stab it enough.

   A man’s got to know his limitations....... Unless he’s in a relationship,, then he’ll be constantly reminded.

   Yes, autocorrect, of course I intended to type "thou."... That is a perfectly reasonable guess. It is the 1600's after all.

   I think sometime over the weekend,, I turned the food pyramid upside down and served chips out of it

   "She's gone too far"... "She crossed the line between science & ethics"... "She's playing God"... *reaction to the amount of cheese my mom puts in an omelet

   You can lead a horse to water and you can lead a horse into water and you can swim around with a horse and have fun

   I made a toasted cheese sandwich... I may have accidentally included the plastic cheese wrapper... I may be afraid to poop for a while

   Ever try to make a mental note but can't find anything to write it on?

   Today,,,, I feel like I need the vulgarity expansion pack for autocorrect

   I guess eBay brings out my competitive side........Anyway, this $1,800 can of peas better be good.

   Truthfully, my resume should state,, "when I feel like it" after every skill listed.

   OKAY!!! OKAY!!!...... We're prepared to meet ALL your demands!.................. Just put the sharpie on the floor, and kick it over to daddy.... Please, for the love of God,, Please?

   Can we please go back to the main menu of life? I think I accidentally chose "Extremely Hard".

   How do I jailbreak my e-cig?