Kisstopher707 Funny Status Messages

   Hell hath no fury like a Facebook friend deleted and blocked.

   Soul mate sounds like something Satan puts in his coffee.

   Please pray for all the people at my last job. They're fine but they still work there

   After enough vodka shots, a toddler bed is actually quite comfortable.

   This has been one of those years That I should've stayed in bed

   I enjoy long romantic walks to my liquor cabinet.

   Women who say the quickest way to a mans heart is through his stomach hasn't seen his browser history.

   I've outsourced my LIKES, Birthday wishes and comments on your post and pics to a firm in India. So if Sanjay isn't showing you enough love, please let me know right away.

   What's the dumbest thing you ever believed as a child? That people above 18 years of age are automatically adults.

   Why do fools fall in love? Because smart people know that, odds are, it will end horribly.

   Before Kanye west says he is going to be a bigger hero than Nelson Mandela by the time he reaches 95, shouldn't he spend 27 years in jail first?

   Meetings are 20% small talk, 5% what the meeting is about and 75% wasting everyone’s time.

   Sarcasm is a dominant gene in my family.

   If it wasn't for me, my life would be pretty awesome.

   Being a gentleman in these times is a thankless job. I tried to compliment a seemingly nice young lady and ended up having to explain that I'm not, thirsty, creepy or a stalker.

   I really like what you've done with your crazy.

   Stay in that position I just got a Facebook Notification.

   [first day as a 911 operator] me: nine hundred and eleven what is your emergency

   DOCTOR: why do you think you need this medication? ME: I saw the commercial and the side effects sounded pretty awesome

   In the rest of the world, it’s called “football,” but in America it’s called “Let’s see what else is on TV.”