JOser Funny Status Messages

   I made eye contact with someone in traffic and then didn't let them merge. I feel like a James Bond villain.

   The smaller the dog, the crazier the chick.

   Happy Father's Day to all the Dads who went out to get some milk, and actually came back home.

   Weird... I just found a haystack on top of this needle...

   Whoever said "two wrongs don't make a right" has obviously never experienced McDonalds breakfast after a night of binge drinking.

   Just because we have the same last name doesn't mean we have to be Facebook friends, Grandpa...

   the only horoscope you will ever need goes like this: Planets are doing stuff, so it's a good day to do stuff but be prepared in case bad stuff happens.

   do you think the creator of Snuggie is laughing his *ss off because he convinced a nation of people that its cool to wear a robe backwards?

   Even if your life was a total waste of space, there's always hope that you'll die in a weird enough way to make a CSI episode.

   loves nerds 2² ever...

   Your dependence on oxygen is where our similarities end...

   Collecting my thoughts... I almost have a whole set!

   Judging by the lack of Fathers Day cards I received in the mail today, I'm guessing your m0m never told you.

   So yeah I just went outside and I'm pretty sure I won't be doing that again until at least October.

   I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with keyboards

   I hate to sound so skeptical but I'm starting to think that The Office isn't a real documentary.

   If I had nothing left to complain about, I'd complain about that.

   I feel sorry for our ancestors who used to have to wait days or weeks to hear from friends that they were laughing out loud.

   Every time I pour water on myself when attempting to use a water bottle I get sad because even hamsters have mastered this.

   I think crime pays. The hours are good, you travel a lot