joser Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon I have often regretted my speech, never my silence...
←Rate | 04-29-2010 23:31 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon coffee: The gasoline of life...
←Rate | 04-30-2010 01:16 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon My boss didn't know I drank, till one day I came to work sober.
←Rate | 04-30-2010 01:21 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon mixd whiskey with water and got drunk... mixed brandy with water and got drunk... I mixed scotch with water and got drunk again... therefore I've reached the conclusion that water is bad for me...
←Rate | 04-30-2010 01:23 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Alcohol doesn't solve your problems…Neither does milk.
←Rate | 04-30-2010 01:25 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Drink more beer, give a fat girl a chance...
←Rate | 04-30-2010 01:26 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon The fact that I can buy a song while on the toilet using my phone means no one is really working on cancer, are they?
←Rate | 04-30-2010 12:59 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon My check engine light is on. Someone needs to service me.
←Rate | 04-30-2010 17:22 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon do you think the creator of Snuggie is laughing his *ss off because he convinced a nation of people that its cool to wear a robe backwards?
←Rate | 04-30-2010 17:23 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon And then I was all like: "I'm really getting sick of your sh*t." And then she was all like: "To speak with a representative please say representative..." UGH!!
←Rate | 04-30-2010 17:37 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon What? That's not what "do the robot" means? It's a dance? Oh god. I am SO sorry about your robot.
←Rate | 04-30-2010 18:50 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon I got a letter from the college I graduated from... I hope it's a refund check for my murdered dreams.
←Rate | 04-30-2010 18:50 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wait, so the 3 day rule applies to calling a girl, and the 5 second rule applies to dropped food? It all makes sense now
←Rate | 04-30-2010 18:51 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon The list of things I won't eat if covered in chocolate gets smaller everyday.
←Rate | 05-01-2010 14:28 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon The truth is, when I start a statement with "the truth is" I'm usually lying my @ss off
←Rate | 05-01-2010 14:29 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon One night stands in hotel rooms just don't do it for me anymore. ...That's why I always ask for a bed with two night stands.
←Rate | 05-01-2010 14:30 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon 69 is the Kamikaze of oral sex. "If I'm going down, you're coming with me!"
←Rate | 05-01-2010 14:30 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon A friend in Arizona was about to roll a joint but was busted because he didn't have any papers
←Rate | 05-01-2010 14:31 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon My futon might pull out, but I don't!
←Rate | 05-01-2010 14:31 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon The only thing that could make this pizza better would be an s.
←Rate | 05-01-2010 14:31 by Joser Comments (0)  




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