K-Mac Funny Status Messages

   Why do people always pick their noses when they're at a stop light when everyone can see them.

   When will Britain learn? They have a wedding, we kill Bin Laden...they have the Olympics, we land on Mars.

   This world is in bad shape. Education would be nice or maybe just learning to spell before you put your thought into the public forum.......What the hell is a "ceeling fan"?

   Mark Zuckerburg's Facebook fortune dropped to a new low of 10.2 Billion today....How is he ever going to survive??

   I could really, really use some shenanigans.

   Republican convention next week.... Hurricane Isaac is predicted to hit Florida next week.... Even Mother Nature doesn't like Republicans.

   I don't feel so bad about not having an up to date phone. I just saw a woman jogging past my house carrying a Walkman.

   I was driving through a parking lot and this young guy was walking along, texting. He briefly glanced at my truck passing by and was timing his walk so he would pass by right behind my truck as I drove by....he didn't see the ladder sticking out the back.

   Be thankful.....in dog years, you're dead.

   I asked some guy for directions this morning and he said, "Go to the corner and take a right. It's about six miles, depending on how fast you're going".

   If you're in line at the grocery store with your new iPhone5 and you pull out food stamps, don't be surprised when I slap that phone out of your hand.

   I have company coming, does a spork go on the right or left side?

   Was at the drug store and the kid in front of me was buying Magnum condoms. I gave him a thumbs up. He said "Impressed?" I said "I am impressed, that you bought those with a straight face".

   After all these years, my armpits have not moved, yet I still use a mirror to put on deodorant.

   Pulled into the grocery store parking lot, went down one isle and was coming up the other when I saw an open spot one space from the end nearest the door and thought, "what a break"......God I hate Smartcars.

   It's going to hard to get out and vote if I have to keep answering phone calls from people urging me to get out and vote.

   Just demolished another box of macaroni and cheese buy trying to "Push here to open".

   Clint Eastwood hasn't voted yet, he's still trying get his ottoman to stop talking back to him.

   Driving down the road and I see a sign that says "Speed Inforced By Aircraft" So I went a little faster....how cool would it be to get pulled over by a plane?

   Seeing a spider is not a problem. It becomes a problem when you can no longer see it.