Kisstopher Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon MEN are like BLUETOOTH. When they are with You, they are connected. When they are not with you, they are searching for other devices to connect to.
←Rate | 07-01-2011 01:59 by KISSTOPHER Comments (0)  

   messageicon LADIES: So you are ordering the most expensive thing on the menu? You know that comes with d ick right?
←Rate | 10-01-2012 14:54 by Kisstopher Comments (0)  

   messageicon Girl: Mom, I want some fresh air.. Can I go for a walk? Mom: Yes, but tell your “fresh air” to drop you home by 9 pm..!!
←Rate | 05-01-2011 07:45 by Kisstopher Comments (0)  

   messageicon I don't have a short temper; I just have a quick reaction to bullsh!t.
←Rate | 10-29-2011 11:31 by KISSTOPHER Comments (0)  

   messageicon One man's potato is another man's vodka.
←Rate | 10-04-2012 14:59 by Kisstopher Comments (0)  

   messageicon Don't text and drive. You don't want "lol" to be the last thing you say before you die.
←Rate | 03-28-2013 04:54 by Kisstopher Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you can't love the one you want, love someone who looks like them and just squint a lot.
←Rate | 07-11-2012 15:18 by Kisstopher Comments (0)  

   messageicon So Taylor Swift is single? Again? Please allow me to express my sincere shock at this sudden and unexpected turn of events.
←Rate | 01-10-2013 11:44 by Kisstopher Comments (0)  

   messageicon My girlfriend is now mad at me because I didn’t know why she was mad at me.
←Rate | 02-01-2013 14:08 by Kisstopher Comments (0)  

   messageicon My signature move is falling in love with people I can't have.
←Rate | 03-28-2013 05:10 by Kisstopher Comments (0)  

   messageicon ‎"Till Death Do Us Part" should just be changed to "Till Sh!t Happens" during the wedding vows, coz people don't wait for “Death” anyways.
←Rate | 05-08-2012 14:24 by Kisstopher Comments (0)  

   messageicon I am not saying I hate you or anything but if you were ever badly hurt and I had the only phone to call you an ambulance I would order pizza delivery first.
←Rate | 03-16-2012 13:50 by Kisstopher Comments (0)  

   messageicon I can't believe someone actually went through all the trouble to create a fake Facebook profile, complete with fake photos, fake friends and fake status updates just so they could befriend and stalk me. I don't know whether to feel honored or terrifie
←Rate | 07-01-2011 02:10 by KISSTOPHER Comments (0)  

   messageicon Wedding rings are bad for your circulation.
←Rate | 08-16-2011 04:45 by KISSTOPHER Comments (0)  

   messageicon SWAG is for BOYS and CLASS is for MEN.
←Rate | 03-13-2012 13:28 by Kisstopher Comments (0)  

   messageicon My wife said that I set up the baby monitor wrong. Apparently it's not supposed to be duct-taped to the baby's ankle.
←Rate | 02-11-2013 08:34 by Kisstopher Comments (0)  

   messageicon Always be true to yourself. But feel free to lie to everyone else as needed.
←Rate | 12-07-2011 14:15 by KISSTOPHER Comments (0)  

   messageicon You're sexy, but not "I don't care if you have horrible grammar" sexy.
←Rate | 02-09-2013 11:19 by Kisstopher Comments (0)  

   messageicon Wedding Rings - the world's smallest handcuffs.
←Rate | 07-15-2011 10:40 by KISSTOPHER Comments (0)  

   messageicon I am out of wine, so I ate a bag of grapes and threw myself down the stairs.
←Rate | 10-04-2012 12:54 by Kisstopher Comments (0)  

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