Baddie Funny Status Messages

   Live such that when the mortician prepares you for your funeral, he must struggle to get that grin off your face.

   If by sexy you mean me licking the donut icing off my fingers then yes I can be damn sexy.

   A stranger at Walmart just coughed in my face, so I've probably only got two, maybe three, days to live.

   To my neighbor using a chainsaw at 7:30 on a Saturday morning: Try holding the other end.

   Remember people, good manners is what separates us from the French

   Given the exploding population of idiots in our communities, I think it’s about time we required people to pass a test first before they are allowed to vote. We can’t afford to put our destiny in the hands of clueless idiots.

   Facebook crushes are all fun and games until someone buys a plane ticket.

   You had me at hello...oh you weren't talking to me.

   Justin Bieber has grown a mustache. His transformation into a teenage mexican girl is now complete.

   I'm thinking the woman with 4 kids on leashes at Walmart should probably stop buying her condoms at Walmart.

   The restraining order doesn't mean we can't hang. It just says I can't get within 50ft of you. You wanna play catch or frisbee or something?

   I hope tonight's the night when we'll finally see a presidential candidate make the jerk-off motion while the other candidate is speaking.

   My life is a result of "it seemed like a good idea at the time."

   I bet there's a rapper trying to figure out a way to replace his teeth with LED lights

   "LSD causes users to lose weight" Obviously. You can't eat when a dragon is guarding the fridge.

   I just told my brother he was adopted, his response was, "At least they picked me"

   I see your swag and I raise you a high school education.

   There's nothing I hate more than joggers on the beach. I don't need to be reminded how out of shape I am on vacation a $$hole.

   When you think your life couldn't be any more pathetic, remember some people have more than 1 Facebook account.

   When attacked by a bear, play dead. Make his meal less stressful. It's not all about you.