Snotty Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon If you think human beings have evolved a lot. Look at how much Egyptians worshiped cats... Then go look at Facebook for about 5 minutes.
←Rate | 08-04-2016 22:01 by Snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon In China it's considered bad luck to be eaten by a lion.
←Rate | 02-26-2016 23:16 by Snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon Anti-wrinkle cream takes all the creases off your face and puts them on Tommy Lee Jones.
←Rate | 05-18-2017 15:18 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon My wife hates snakes. But if they sold snakes at Target, we'd probably have a few snakes.
←Rate | 08-01-2017 07:33 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon Who needs conspiracy theories when reality is crazy enough lately. .. ugh
←Rate | 06-04-2017 16:59 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon It's finally here! .. That time of year when my seasonal depression turns into just regular depression.
←Rate | 04-22-2017 19:02 by snotty Comments (11)  

   messageicon Wow. Hard to believe in only a month my wife and daughters will be returning the gifts I bought them.
←Rate | 11-27-2013 19:06 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon It’s funny how watching your kids get older is both the best and the worst thing ever
←Rate | 05-18-2013 18:55 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon I wonder if Captain America ever borrows money from Captain China
←Rate | 02-23-2012 16:14 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon Sure,, Sure,, I could kill you with kindness,, but let’s see what else is just lying around I can use first.
←Rate | 01-13-2017 15:40 by snotty Comments (2)  

   messageicon I wonder if the Three Wise Men said to Jesus, "Just to be clear, these gifts are for your birthday AND Christmas."
←Rate | 12-03-2012 09:54 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm so tired,,, United Airlines just tried to charge me $25 for the bags under my eyes.
←Rate | 08-24-2016 20:30 by Snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon Apparently the drunk guy at the urinal next to me is under the impression that I was stung in the leg by a jellyfish.
←Rate | 05-25-2017 23:33 by snotty Comments (1)  

   messageicon Cashier: Your total is $2,334.00... Me: Can you take off the avocado?... Cashier: Okay, that will be $2.00.
←Rate | 11-19-2016 20:05 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon And when I die, this will all be yours...... *points to plastic bags filled with other plastic bags
←Rate | 08-17-2016 23:29 by Snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon Supermoon was OK... But according to Rotten Tomatoes, still way better than Supermoon v Batmoon.
←Rate | 11-14-2016 20:00 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon Hey,, When I was young I had to Post stuff manually... Barefoot in the snow,,, uphill both ways....... And I was GRATEFULL
←Rate | 04-07-2012 08:03 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon I saw that veterans got a free meal at Golden Corral on Veterans Day. Why?... Haven't those poor guys been through enough?
←Rate | 11-24-2014 12:22 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon I predict Peppermint Patty invites herself and her friends over to Charlie Brown's for Thanksgiving again this year
←Rate | 11-23-2011 13:29 by Snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon You find it offensive?... I find it funny.... That's why I'm happier than you
←Rate | 10-15-2012 20:57 by snotty Comments (0)  

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