Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   If you bought a fruitcake this past weekend, you have until March 2035 to eat it.

   Don't forget that today is "small business Saturday" so only subscribe to OnlyFans accounts in your town

   Damn, Girl. Are you Black Friday? 'Cause I'm wondering what your deal is.

   Girlfriend asked me if I seen the dog bowl. I said no but that would be very interesting.

   I accidentally took my cats meds this morning... Don't ask meow.

   "Enjoy the warm glow of family and friends this holiday season." ~ crematorium slogan.

   We live in a " paper straw wrapped in plastic" kind of world. It's all stupid

   I just heard a commercial on the radio that said your hair loss has to do with your jeans. I guess that's why I still have all my hair. Because I don't wear jeans.

   The gateway to "make up sex" is arguing. Go start a good argument and then give in for the reward.

   California has the highest rate of both Depression and Adultery. It's a sad state of affairs.