melb Funny Status Messages

   OK, so there's a news report of a very large satellite hitting the earth tomorrow...but of course, we have no clue where...NOW, In my opinion, it isn't rocket science to just place a SH*TLOAD of magnets in the middle of the desert....right?....JUST SAYING

   Stop blaming the holidays....you were fat in August!

   DO NOT tickle me, Elmo!

   TODAY IS THE DAY HELL FROZE OVER....I got to work at 815am...enjoy the cool breeze!

   "GET YOUR ASS IN LINE"...~House Speaker John BOEhner's statement to fellow Republicans....I suspect a flurry of worker's comp claims.

   IT'S NOT EASY BEING A DIVA!!! It's a real workout...my heart starts pumping and I break a sweat thinking of the day I have of cleaning...and then suddenly remembering my housekeeper already did it for me. I nearly threw my back out getting back in bed!

   IT WAS Professor Plum in the library with the candlestick...NOW EVERYONE GET OVER IT!

   something about a "BOEhner reBUTTal" just doesn't sound right.

   I need a stunt double because I am so damn tired of jumping through hoops!

   Blonde goes to the doctor very upset..."i have these dark circles under my eyes n no matter how much sleep I get they wont go away"....."maam, those r ur nostrils" @_@

   ♪ ♫ ♩♩ ♬ On the 12th Day of Christmas my Facebook gave to me, 12 relatives I'm blocking, 11 friends just watching, 10 corny updates, 9 "in relationship to single, 8 friends complaining, 7 stalkers stalking, 6 party invites

   ♪ ♫ ♩♩ ♬ Fiiiiiiiiiiiiive Drama Queeeens, 4 friend requests, 3 I ignore, 2 annoying pokes and ME in need of happy hour!

   Got my heart broken recently...makes me wanna crack their skull....afterall fair is fair....right?