Lewis S. Funny Status Messages

   Everything you paid $50,000 to learn in college is now on the Internet for free.

   Today's challenge! Walk with the parade and wave, and make people wonder who you are.

   The big movies right now in theaters are Robocop, Endless Love, and About Last Night. I feel like it's the end of the 80s all over again.

   Congratulations, you survived the Mayan Disaster. Please resume your life. Thank you.

   I hate it when you wake upon mid-dream, and don't get to find out what happens next.

   Football officially starts its regular Sunday rotation tomorrow. So ladies, if there's anything that you wanna say to your husband, today's the day!

   This is going to make Thanksgiving uncomfortable next year at the Harbaugh house.

   I can't get the Bananas in Pajamas song out of my head, so I'm cursing you all with it

   CNN BREAKING NEWS. JURORS IN THE GEORGE ZIMMERMAN TRIAL HAVE ORDERED TUNAFISH SANDWICHES ON WHOLE WHEAT, AND SWEET TEA.

   So she told me "Strip down, facing me." How was I to know the cashier meant my credit card?

   You know you're addicted to Facebook, when you gauge how long you've napped by finding the last post you remember before falling asleep, and seeing how long it's been posted when you wake up.

   Maybe the pipelines are not the most perfect way to turn our country green, but I'm certainly not going to be able to afford those solar panels if I'm paying $4.95 a gallon.

   KISS announced that they will not be performing at this year's Rock N' Roll Hall of Fame ceremony. Oh well. Hopefully we'll get a killer performance from the other inductee Nirvana.

   No Gramma, It's not the Oompah Loompah show, it's Jersey Shore.

   Because of Facebook, the only presidential candidate we'll be able to have in 2040 is someone too stupid to know how to use Facebook.

   Every time I hear Sam Elliott narrating a commercial, the only thing I hear my head is "Don't eat the big white mint"

   New drinking game! Have to drink every time Wolf Blitzer says "Votes"

   Since ios7, Everytime I unlock my phone, I see the Breaking Bad theme and have to do the BAow... Bow Bow Bow.. in my head.

   I'm watching Lionel Ritchie, and Big and Rich are doing Brick House. I am not convinced country singers need to stick to country, and leave the R&B to people with rhythm!