JAB Funny Status Messages

   When life hands you lemons. Freeze them until they're rock solid and throw them at people you don't like. . .

   Ladies, if you're in competition to get as many friends on your friends list as possible, post naked pictures of yourself. . .

   Vegitarian is a native American name for Bad hunter. . .

   Two cannibals are eating a clown and one says to the other, does this taste funny to you. . .

   Taking a bullet for someone is nothing. Take a nuclear warhead to the chest, now that's impressive....

   What does Elizabeth Warren and Rachel Dolezal have in common? Neither one of them knows they're white. . .

   Happy dry hump Wednesday for you singles out there. . .

   If you don't mind I use duct tape. I'm giving free bikini waxes.

   Last year it was the ice bucket challenge. This year it's the bucket of hot coals challenge. You go first. . .

   Talk about keeping up with the Kardashians, Bruce is growing breasts. . .

   Do you know is not for some people smoking Marijuana the murder rate would be a lot higher than it is.. So get high and keep the murder rate low. . .

   Time to remove the little project black boy out of office ASAP !

   If the first person who said: As god is my witness he should strike me down with a bolt of lightning actually got struck, there'd be a lot of dead people in the world for lying or a very lot of honest people. . . So where is this god you speak of.

   There's a closet pervert in each and every one of you. . .

   I was wondering if I go on a Banana diet, will I end up throwing my feces like a gorilla does. . .

   My New Years resolution is to never make New Years resolutions!

   Ladies, you can stop with the expensive bikini wax treatments. I have a roll of duct tape. . .

   So I thought about asking the love of my life to marry me. Chicken Parmesan. . .

   Ladies, if you're in compitition to get as many friend on your frinds list, post naked pictures of yourself. . .

   I met this great woman, I sweet talk her and say all the right things. She says I wish there were more men like you. I sent her a poem and she no longer wants to see me. So much for having feelings. . .