Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   He not give flying f*ck about your military. Which make our job so much easier in end. Россия навсегда

   Waltz claims the journalist number must've gotten "sucked" into his phone. He then asked Siri, "How can I suck the journalist off?" Such an amazing clownshow. So much comedy. So much humor. Thank you rapeublicans for this amazing gift 😂

   But the baby bear said, "My porridge is just right. My porridge is just right." That bear's repeating.

   After A Heavy Night Of Drinking, I Took A Bus Home. That Might Not Be A Big Deal To Some Of You, But It Was The First Time I'd Driven One.

   What up?

   If my coworker is getting beat up, better believe I'm jumping in to help. Because I ain't covering anybody's shift.

   Auto pen: your 2028 Dem candidate.

   Yeh. He's definitely a Canuck.

   Ends? You call that lunch?

   GaryKoenig needs to seriously go f**k himself

   Your country is toast.

   Press 2 for English. "2"... AT&T Rep: "Dank you fur coling AD&D."

   Exactly! The more they try to come at me, the stronger I get and the harder I laugh at them.

   GaryBlownig... you steal so well.

   Who'd brag that they're from Russ¡a?

   Women are caring, nurturing, beautiful, sympathetic and loyal. They're also big toddlers who have the demands of three year olds.

   I just killed a huge mouse. Ripped it to bits. The staff at Disneyland are furious.

   Nice try. That isn't what Trump said. He never said he didn’t know about it. He said "No" when asked if he was briefed on it. That's two completely different things.

   When a person gets m*lested by their father in the shower, and in their later years, projects on someone else online to try and rid themselves of the secret guilt and yes -lust- they still feel 😂

   Jesus kidnapped my girlfriend's brain.