Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Nothing like a cross-dressing, h0m0, derivative, Spanish singing douche to perform at the SB halftime show

   I think some of my friend's have substituted their prescription meds with Facebook to feel thankful during the holiday seasons.

   Roses are red, violets are blue, I need a valentine, how about you?

   Hi, my name's Mike. Mike Unstinx.

   My mom says hunnie your room is full of trash I be like mom my ex isn't here anymore

   Samsung galaxy S10 Will still Touch ground and break If it can't float on the air when I mistakenly drop it, I don't want

   Having babies is the solution to all of the world's problem? Sigh.

   If taking cat naps at work as often as I do had anything to do with it, then I'm pretty sure I can sleep my way to the top.

   A friend is typing..... A grand is typing..... A friend is typing..... A friend is typing..... A friend is typing..... Friend says lol

   Post Malone and Luke Combs could probably really do some permanent damage on peoples hearts if they wrote a song together

   Marriage tip #3: When you have to run some errands and your wife doesn't want to go with you, just grab yourself some Dunkin Donuts, don't get her any. When she asks why you didn't grab her anything, just say, "If you truly loved me, you would have gone w

   I must express appreciation to you just for rescuing me from this challenge. As a result of searching throughout the search engines and seeing advice that were not helpful, I believed my life was well over. Existing minus the approaches to the problems y

   There have been only two authentic geniuses in the world, Willie Mays and Willie Shakespeare. — Tallulah Bankhead

   Wednesday morning? might as Well call it rensday roaring!

   my tinder date ended up being a bald mannequin I was so embarrassed at the restaurant and then at the hotel

   You may say I'm a dreamer But I'm not the only one......but think the odds of winning the HGTV Dream Home are pretty good.

   sellin 2nd chances $100 hmu lmk.

   -I think one of my friends gets the award for “most insightful drunk” for his comment, “It’s such a nice night…if only the sun were out!” Too bad he didn’t get to see much more of that night.

   Trere is a new line added to this years tax form that reads, Would you like $3 of your federal tax go to buying us a sandwich?

   Mother Goose Haiku: Old Mother Hubbard Looked in cupboard for dog food Nothing for that dog.