Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Judo is what you use to make bagels. 🥯

   Sometimes you have to sit back and play the role of a fool to fool the fool who thinks they are fooling you.

   I’ve been asked why I like dogs more than people. Short answer: My dog has never included me in a group text.

   He won Kentucky by 26 points then immediately disabled their tornado warning systems, leading to 18 deaths. Hahahahaha. As someone who doesn't live there, in that country I mean, I find news like this very, very entertaining and funny 😂

   Missus Beasley gaema hat!

   Losing weight is a great idea except for two things. The eat right and exercise part.

   I was told this is where you order Door Dash.....SMH.....

   What do you call the sexuality where you're attracted to men and women but neither are attracted to you? Bi-yourself.

   Foot fetish screw them feet!!!

   I bought a second scale to weigh my first scale so I can show it how it feels.

   BREAKING NEWS: So according to my calendar, today is National Alien Abduction Day. In other words, the government has been lying to us. There are aliens! Lol

   Someone called me a f*t f**k. I wanna know if that's an adjective or a verb.

   Feels like an extrovert stuck in an introvert body

   Also in the news, the national atheist church has applied for non-prophet status.

   "You people are so stupid." ~ D. Trump. (to all his fans)

   I got a job sketching suspects at the police station. I'm a con artist!

   Technology will facilitate deception, domination, and surveillance too big to fail. The tentacles of the Squid Game now include the blood in our veins.

   Cheer up! Someone somewhere is thinking about me naked.

   Man rule: Plastic water bottles must be crushed prior to disposing.

   It's so strange to think before Facebook, all this nonsense just stayed in people's heads.