Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   BREAKING: Canada to back off on tariff threat if United States backs off on theirs. As once again, the United States backs off again. Gutless pussies.

   Why do you people reply and engage in petty name calling with these anti Trumpers? Because we're proving that you're all just a bunch of f*cking sheep and in a cult 🤡 and you're just starting to realize it.

   You might not like Koenigs posts but he’s the only one here using the page as intended now. It’s 99.9% triggered crap now. Get a life people.

   The Flat Earth Society has members all around the globe.

   f Oxygen was discovered in 1772.... what did people breathe before then?

   to the lady with all the hot selfies who claims she could steal my husband if she wanted... I will have him ready for you at 3

   Interviewer: Why did you leave your last job? Well....when they stopped putting Skittles in the damn break room vending machine.

   Warning! If you get a link that says "Justin Barber sings Christmas carols" Don't open it! It's Justin Barber singing Christmas carols.

   All my post were removed, because someone took A Fence

   Not a lot of great things listed in Craigslist free section today. Unless any of you guys would like a slightly used mattress for Christmas?

   CUNT !

   My new home security system is a series of paintings on the wall with the eyes cut out.

   If I weigh 99 pounds and I eat 1 pound of nachos, am I 1percent nacho?

   Just checked my bank account. And it looks like everyone is getting text messages for Christmas.

   I never realized how funny I was until I started talking to myself.

   Facebook keeps notifying me about people's birthdays like I bake cakes or something.

   On the bright side, at least Canada & Greenland will know when the country of idiots plan to invade them 🤣

   That Mexican Navy ship that crashed into the Brooklyn Bridge? That's what they get for shorting me a Soft Taco Supreme that time at Taco Bell.

   Let’s just call a vacation what it is: the opportunity to live like an alcoholic for a little while.

   I tried to find powdered eggs for a camping trip. None to be found anywhere. I found out powdered chickens are on strike.