Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   A colon can completely change the meaning of a sentence. For example: - Jane ate her friend's sandwich. - Jane ate her friend's colon.

   Guys, if the relationship fails, don't blame her only. It takes 2 people to mess up a relationship. Blame her and her mother.

   Oh, so you're preparing turkey again for Christmas? Twice in one month. Kudos to you. I'm overwhelmed by your imagination.

   USPS tracking: 1. We’re not sure it exists yet 2. It’s arrived.

   Uh, Canada made the offer, you ignorant dolt.

   LOVED Kid Rock's suit! Ordered one for Halloween. Going as trans drag queen whose wanted gender reassignment surgery but keep getting turned down because I'm already missing testicles and my junk is so minuscule it could be inverted by a greasy Q-Tip 📏

   The JD intends to restore the gun rights of Mel Gibson, a personal friend of Dump, after he lost them due to a domestic violence conviction. Turns out not all Dump's friends are r*pists Some are just wife-beaters.

   He doesn't know what his is doing. He's a conman and the jig is up.

   "When you ran out the healthy arms, you ran out of really healthy they had great arms but they ran out. It’s called sports. It’s called baseball in particular and pitchers I guess you could say, really particular." The Absolute Ret*rd Apr 07, 2025

   !ffo ssip dna rovaf a lla su oD: ereh no elpoep eht flah morf uoy rof egassem a tog I ,stnemmoc tnarongi gnikam dna ereh no gnimoc speek ohw nosrep eht oT

   I have a pervert for a Dentist.....I mentioned to him that "I'd rather get pregnant than have a tooth filled !" My Dentist replied, "Decide now so I can adjust the chair accordingly

   Today I roasted a chicken. He pretended to laugh but I think I actually rattled him a little bit.

   BREAKING NEWS! The 47th President hasn't been able to get it up since 2004.

   It's so funny watching all these Teslas get vandalized. This is the best television in years. Can't wait until the riots !

   I got into a debate with a Flat Earther today . He said he would walk to the edge to prove he's right.... I told him he'd come around eventually.

   My class essay on internal organs was too short. So I added an appendix.

   And yet again this morning No one was standing Next to my bed Saying Your Royal Highness here is your coffee.

   Buckle up…the next 12 years will have no Dem in office. All we do is win on a daily basis now.

   For more than two centuries, it has been established that impeachment is not an appropriate response to disagreement concerning a judicial decision. The normal appellate review process exists for that purpose. Learn the law, dipsh*t lol

   I ate a kid's meal at McDonald's today. His parents weren't too happy about it.