Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   A big part of adulthood is waking up every morning wondering if you have caught a cold or is this just the new normal?

   Teenagers hanging out sober act like adults drunk.

   The only thing that can stop the Coronavirus is a good guy with a gun.

   My wife asked me with loving eyes, "What did I do to deserve you?" I responded, "I'm guessing something horrible in a past life!"

   Humans invented peanut butter and chocolate, but God put them together

   I heard that a guy fell out fo the 13th story window of a building and he died! Spooky...

   you wouldnt know where your heading until your know where you have being !

   You know who the luckiest person in the world is, a person who doesnt need no luck

   Happy Friendship Day to All !! :)

   Q. What is the difference between men and government bonds? A.  The bonds mature.

   The ball got bigger, then it hit me

   Two Irish guys are fishing. The first guy reels in his line and sees that he's snagged an old bottle. As he's taking it off the hook, a genie pops out and promises to grant him one wish.

   when you r I'll suddenly everyone around you is a doctor

   Wouldn't it be awesome if Steve revive in 2 days?

   Oscar Pistorius has now changed his name to Oscar Pistol-rius

   Never allow yourself to be used by anyone as a weapon against their enemies. You are not an object, you are a human being for god sake.

   My daughter is having a modern day wedding, no church... it is 2015...Break tradition. So the wedding will at a museum...

   Hey ghetto people. Us educated people like the following. CUZ=Because. WIT=With. #=If your older grow up.

   They are holding English signs because they want you to get the heck out of their country

   I got injured by a bull in Pamplona one time. It wasn't bad. He just grazed me.