Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   a lot of wankers here who will thumb down a good joke cos it threathens their own

   tired from going clubbing last night......those baby seals are faster than I thought

   Single and ready for Rumble!

   ..is at home taking care of mum after her accident..she fell in front of a man and ended up with a big bump. A bit like how I was conceived,really ..

   A snowman is the perfect man. He's very well rounded and comes with his own broom. Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow.......somewhere else please.

   in your mum's extended network.

   I hate when I wake up naked in the dumpster behind Dunkin' Donuts and I can't figure out if it's jizz or donut glaze in my eyes.

   nobody. NOBODY is perfect. Therefore, I am perfect. So there. Logic and reasoning win again.

   Lord loves a workin' man; don't trust whitey; see a doctor and get rid of it.

   Just been watching some paralympic basketball. The shooting and passing is pretty crap but the dribbling is amazing.

   the real reason howl kept his castle moving was tax evasion

   Happy new year! The south still lost the civil war.

   I wear a mask. I'm vaccinated. You other inbreds our there in the midwest driving around your pickup trucks with 3 teeth and a mullet can contract the virus, spread it to your family and have the whole lot of them cease to breathe.

   I take half a viagra every night before bed.. Keeps me from pissing on my slippers .

   Just so we're clear, I have no problem with the LG HDTV community.

   April Fools Day is coming up. Look for lots of articles about global warming.

   Vanessa Hudgens and Zac Efron broke up

   BP FINALLY stopped the oil leak. They just put a huge wedding ring on top of it and it instantly stopped putting out

   When I was a kid we didn’t have to come home until the street lights came on, and sometimes our parents shot them out on purpose.

   So much for the party of family values. Republicans have now re-branded as the party of child molesters.