Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Yes, that smartphone in your hand is the gateway to the sum of all human knowledge. And you are searching for 'kids funny drive thru'

   climbed to the top of Mount Everest and said hey I can see my house from here

   I am only ONE, but still I AM ONE. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something. And because I can't do everything, I will not refuse to do something that I can do =)

   I Wud Rather Die |REAL| Than Live Something |FAKE|.

   there's only one Return and it's not of the King, it's of the Jedi.

   I was so happy I could die, but decided to play a love game with brown eyes and now I'm speechless. Who would've thought a monster could make me dance in the dark..... Talk about your bad romance!

   "Sport has the ability to change the world, the power to inspire, the power to unite people in a way that little else can. It speaks to people in a language they understand. Sport can hope where there once was despair. It is an instrument for peace."

   She said FML. She wants it, you gotta' give it to her.

   admits he only watches "Glee" for the hot, young a*s. Mmm

   Won't be on for a while guys, just got arrested for 20 grams of Marijuana.

   What do you do if an elephant comes through your window? ........Swim for your life !!!.......jlm

   Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, lady, well, shame on Lionel Richie.

   Feminism. Ok start with cheer leading. That's probably the most degrading activity ever. Using women as tools and decoration pieces while men be the center of attention. You did this to yourselves

   Skinless chicken breasts are more mouthwatering and yummy than regular chicken breasts. Human breasts, however, are more mouthwatering and yummy with the skin on.

   Watching Kate Upton's easter video. Something is rising and it ain't jesus.

   says so I told the teaching lady that the only letters of the alphabet I need to learn are you S and A!

   Geno Smith sucker punched. Out 6-10 weeks. Apparently HE threw the first punch. It was intercepted!!!

   HIM: Do you want to go for a ride in my BMW? HER: Yep you can drive me to my JAGUAR!

   people who say same exact are dumb stupid...

   Talked to this pimp today and he was pissed. I said why are you mad? he said I got to provide health insurance for my hos cuz I got more than 50 employed.