Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Explain this egomaniac yanks, world champs? When its a NATIONAL league? Football when you use your hands? instead of follow up highlights its who had the best commercial? Pathetic overconsumption unhappy society.

   STOP TRYING TO TALK LIKE LIL WAYNE AND DRAKE RAP!!!! Youre all just making yourselves sound like illiterate retards. Youre not Lil wayne and your not Drake, so why dont you do what Drake says and DO YOU!!!!

   When I see a ugly girl looking In the mirror I like run to the mirror & throw water at it & say,"see your ugliness made it cry"....

   WOW! Good news from the doc... It's not a growth on my ass, just a stuck turd...

   What if the real Slim Shady is in a wheelchair?

   God is a spaghetti monster. It all makes sense now. Hey everybody I'm Atheist now!

   Men fear me and women want me in the shower, both because of the lice

   i have faced more peer pressure to drink oat milk than to do drugs

   Genesis 3:16 To the woman he said, “I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing; in pain you shall bring forth children. Your desire shall be contrary to your husband, but he shall rule over you.”

   What king od socks do Pirate wear?......AAAARRRGYLE

   The truth is the enemy of the fruit section. The fruit section can't handle the truth that their g @y behaviour and lifestyle is abnormal.

   Not trusting the government does not make you a conspiracy theorist. It makes you a history buff.

   It’s very funny to me that in The Wizard of Oz Glinda is like “only bad witches are ugly” five seconds after asking Dorothy if she’s a good witch or a bad witch.

   You can't say you support gay marriages without being gay yourself. You are just a closet gay in serious denial.

   I really am glad those Egypt people got they freedom....But let a Mo Fo hit me with a rock and wez gonna have some problems....

   Lindsey Lohan changed her name to Houdini because he use to make stuff disappear also.

   If Coldplay and Mumford & Sons got in a fight... Miley Cyrus would win.

   there a video feed in my bedroom that I don't know about? All these people talking about "He is risen" are making me suspicious this morning...

   I don't know about you, but I think it's patriotic to be poor and misguided.

   How old do I have to be when I can start pulling in front of cars without looking?